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PBA 031f
10:21:18 PM Wynn: Wynn pokes her head into the library and looks around. 10:23:19 PM Light: Val can be found tucked away in one of the corners of the library, curled up in a large chair with his shoes off, feet tucked under him and writing something with a wooden pencil in one hand and an eraser in the other. 10:24:03 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns slightly and knocks softly on a nearby shelf. "Have a moment?" 10:24:51 PM Light: He jumps and almost drops his pencil. "Yii! ... oh, it's you. Sorry, there's a ghost who keeps glaring at me with eyes she doesn't have." 10:25:12 PM Wynn: How very rude of her. 10:25:54 PM Light: Val: I feel like she was trying to tell me something, but maybe she just doesn't like traditional elven warchants. 10:26:39 PM Wynn: Wynn hesitates then sets her shield and mace against a shelf. "I wanted to apologize." 10:26:57 PM Light: He blinks. "... for what?" 10:27:17 PM Wynn: Well, for one thing, being short with you earlier. I was... not at my best. 10:27:40 PM Wynn: For the other, you shouldn't have learned about Fred that way. I'm sorry. 10:28:56 PM Light: Val: ... fair enough. You seemed like you were under a lot of stress, though. People don't always react well to that. 10:31:19 PM Wynn: It doesn't make it ok, though. I should be better at...controlling myself, but it is difficult, especially without my armor or shield. 10:32:59 PM Wynn: ...but that thing with Fred? I wanted you to know that it was to save his life. It wasn't anything more than that. 10:36:21 PM Light: Val: ... well, that *does* make me feel better, but even if it wasn't, that's not exactly... well, we never *talked* about being exclusive, or anything, so you have the right to do anything you want. ... I mean, you always have the right to do what you want anyway, but in this case it wouldn't be right for me to have any expectations or anything like that. 10:37:01 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles slightly. "It's ok. I know what you mean." 10:39:00 PM Wynn: ((are there other chairs or anything nearby?)) 10:39:27 PM Light: Yes. There are a little cluster of them around. 10:39:39 PM Light: Val: Good. Sometimes I'm not even sure what I mean. 10:40:08 PM Wynn: Wynn gestures toward a chair. "Do you mind?" 10:40:39 PM Light: Val: Have a seat. 10:40:52 PM Light: Val: The ghost was in the other chair, so I think you're good there. 10:41:45 PM Wynn: Wynn sits. 10:43:05 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns and fiddles with her fingers a little. 10:44:02 PM Light: Val: ... you okay? 10:45:07 PM Wynn: ...mostly. I just... can't put the pieces together. 10:46:14 PM Wynn: Wynn looks at him. "Can I trust you?" 10:47:12 PM Light: Val: Well, yes, for most things. For what? 10:47:57 PM Wynn: ...I don't know. In general, I suppose. 10:48:30 PM Wynn: ((and that was an 18 sm, though that was a very vague answer for a pretty vague question. lol)) 10:49:51 PM Light: Val: In general, sure. 10:50:23 PM Light: Val: But, if you leave my favorite kind of pastries out on a table and tell me not to eat one, um, you may be in trouble. 10:51:08 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles a little and looks back down. 10:52:55 PM Light: Val: Also, I have kind of the wrong instincts sometimes. 10:53:09 PM Wynn: ...what do you mean? 10:54:13 PM Light: Val: Well, if you put me in a social situation I'm not familiar with I might freeze up while I think about what to do. 10:54:45 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "That sounds familiar." 10:56:59 PM Light: Val: Back home asking questions before stabbing is considered... stupid. And sometimes rude. 10:57:26 PM Wynn: Stabbing? 10:58:46 PM Light: Val: Usually it's just a little poke, these days. 10:59:50 PM Wynn: ....are you talking about Tarkishi romance again? 11:00:47 PM Light: Val: Or negotiating, or saying hello, or respectfully disagreeing with one's parents. 11:01:14 PM Wynn: ...you all really like your knives, don't you? 11:01:55 PM Light: Val: Well, no, not really. That would be like liking your nose. They're kind of just there. 11:02:46 PM Wynn: Wynn takes a deep breath. "I'm just going to say it.... I have a problem. Of course, it might not be a problem any more. That's kind of an assumption. So to be sure, are you still interested?" 11:03:02 PM Light: Val: Yeah. What's the problem? 11:03:49 PM Wynn: ...the real reason I've been pushing you away. 11:05:01 PM Wynn: I can't explain it right without some background. 11:07:08 PM Light: Val rolls up his scroll and ties it neatly. "Go ahead. I'm listening." 11:08:28 PM Wynn: Wynn stares at her hands for another couple seconds. "I've never actually spoken about this. To anyone." 11:08:51 PM Wynn: Have you ever killed anyone? 11:09:35 PM Light: Val: ... wow, that's a big question. ... you're not going to repeat this to anyone, are you? 11:10:08 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "No. And I'd hope what I'm going to say will stay between us as well." 11:11:04 PM Light: Val: ... then no, I actually haven't. I... haven't really managed to find a situation I couldn't talk my way out of yet. 11:11:31 PM Light: Val: ... it's kind of embarassing. 11:11:57 PM Wynn: Well... I know what you consider embarrassing, and I'll have to disagree. 11:12:32 PM Wynn: I have. 11:12:58 PM Wynn: I was drunk and angry and sad and... I don't know... I didn't have anything left. 11:13:16 PM Wynn: When I realized what I'd done, I couldn't stand it. 11:14:25 PM Light: Val: What happened? 11:14:44 PM Wynn: ...which part? 11:15:13 PM Wynn: How or what happened next, I mean. 11:16:17 PM Light: Val: Both. 11:16:59 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns and fidgets, then stands and gets her shield before sitting again. 11:17:48 PM Wynn: It was right after my family was killed. I was left at the temple in Oonseentia with a bag of coins. 11:18:30 PM Wynn: I ran. Found some seedy place that cared more for the coin than my age. 11:18:47 PM Light: Val: How old were you? 11:18:57 PM Wynn: Thirteen. 11:19:28 PM Wynn: After a few drinks, I started picking fights. 11:19:52 PM Wynn: Somebody literally threw me out into the alley. 11:20:21 PM Wynn: I saw this man start walking toward me, and then... I don't remember anything. 11:21:09 PM Wynn: Wynn grips the edge of her shield. "I woke up... and he was dead." 11:22:12 PM Wynn: My hands were covered in blood and hurt like hell... and I couldn't even recognize the man. So I did what I did best. I ran. Again. 11:22:21 PM Light: Val: ... how do you *know* you killed him, though? 11:23:24 PM Wynn: ....I guess I can't, but I'm sure enough. 11:24:46 PM Wynn: I mean... all the evidence was there. I did it. No use in arguing about it. 11:25:32 PM Light: Val: ... I'm not saying you didn't. 11:25:44 PM Light: Val: But, you know... it's pretty possible you didn't, though. 11:26:14 PM Light: Val: I mean, let's say you attacked the guy, and he was bigger than you, and a third person comes into the alley and tears the other guy apart, since he's beating up a kid. 11:26:51 PM Wynn: ...still my fault. 11:27:32 PM Wynn: I get nightmares about it. Sometimes I think they might be memories. 11:27:47 PM Light: Val: ... possible. Have you ever done a scrying or divination to find out? 11:27:55 PM Wynn: Wynn shakes her head. 11:28:43 PM Light: Val: I would. I'd want to *know.* Things like that drive me nuts. 11:29:16 PM Wynn: The only thing I don't feel like I know is who he was. 11:29:44 PM Wynn: In my dreams, he's always someone different. A murderer, a priest, a daddy with five little girls waiting for him, a pickpocket. 11:30:18 PM Wynn: But in every one of them, I kill him... with my bare hands. Every. One. 11:30:34 PM Light: Val: ... well, yeah, that's the way nightmares work. 11:30:39 PM Light: Val: We should find out. 11:31:36 PM Wynn: Maybe. I don't know how I'd handle it. 11:32:08 PM Light: Val: ... does it matter? Wouldn't it be better to *know*? 11:33:17 PM Wynn: What if he really was just asking for directions? Or trying to tell me about his daughter my age? 11:33:42 PM Light: Val: ... well, then you can find his daughter and tell her what happened. 11:34:21 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. "That *would* be... appropriate." 11:34:28 PM Wynn: ....assuming we ever find our way home. 11:34:54 PM Wynn: Anyway...when I woke up and ran, I ran right into one of the priests. He took me back to the temple. 11:35:58 PM Wynn: I found the temple's wine and because I wasn't stupid enough, I tried to kill the pain with even more alcohol. 11:37:11 PM Wynn: Wynn takes another deep breath and holds her shield. ".....then I tried to kill myself to make it stop." 11:37:43 PM Light: Val: ... wow. 11:38:28 PM Wynn: I was so close. I felt like I'd be with my family again...... but then this paladin appeared. 11:38:50 PM Wynn: He called me a coward. 11:39:24 PM Wynn: Told me to take up the Saint's banner and fight. To die doing something *good* instead of just giving up. To help balance the scales. 11:40:09 PM Wynn: When I woke up this time, I was hungover and covered in blood again, my own this time, but I had no wounds. 11:40:42 PM Light: Val: ... weird that he called you a coward. 11:40:59 PM Wynn: Why? 11:41:29 PM Light: Val: Well, suicide would've restored the family's honor, which is usually a good thing. 11:43:29 PM Wynn: ... the "bad guys" got my family. If I killed myself, I was just adding to their total. 11:44:15 PM Light: Val: That makes sense, too. 11:44:33 PM Wynn: ...at least.. that's what I think he meant by balancing the scales. 11:45:31 PM Wynn: So *my* life ended that night. When I woke, my life was *his*. I cleaned up, took every last coin I had and bought this shield. Swore myself to the Saint's service that day. 11:45:48 PM Wynn: And my problem is hat I don't know how to fit *this*-- 11:46:14 PM Wynn: Wynn gestures at the two of us. "-- into that." 11:46:20 PM Wynn: I don't know if I can or even should. 11:46:26 PM Wynn: It's selfish. 11:46:42 PM Light: Val: ... it's only selfish if you assume your god is kind of a jerk. 11:47:25 PM Wynn: Wynn shakes her head. "It's selfish because my job is to protect the innocent. My calling is to kill the guilty. My duty is to die doing it... because *I* am guilty." 11:50:00 PM Light: Val: It's only selfish if you don't put your job first. 11:52:12 PM Wynn: ...and you'd still be ok with that? Knowing that every day I'm looking for a way to redeem myself. 11:53:57 PM Light: Val: Well the first part of *that* is finding out what you actually *did*. 11:54:42 PM Light: Val: If it was just tangled with a guy in an alley and then let him get killed, that's still sort of different than killing him yourself. Especially if you tried to run for help or rescue him or found out he was a doppleganger in disguise or something. It's not really likely but it's very possible. 11:55:49 PM Wynn: Wynn sighs. "I don't really see many possibilities that don't lead to the same outcome." 11:57:17 PM Light: Val: Well, *probably* you killed him. But you should keep your mind open to the possibility of other things just in case. 11:59:06 PM Wynn: Well.... there you go. You know all the important things about me now. 11:59:56 PM Wynn: Do you really think it's as easy as "it's not selfish if I keep putting my job first"? AM Light: Val: It's not really *easy.* AM Light: Val: Not a lot of things worth doing are especially easy. AM Wynn: ...it's gotta be easier than ignoring you. AM Wynn: Wynn smiles slightly. AM Light: Val smiles too. "I am really hard to ignore, yeah." AM Wynn: So knowing everything now.... are you still interested? Because all the uncertainty and vagueness is really tiring. AM Light: Val: Yeah. AM Light: Val: Am I vague? I don't think I'm vague. ... it's hard to know what's vague and what isn't. AM Wynn: Well... I'm sure most of it is my fault. AM Wynn: Trying to keep you at arm's length and failing miserably. AM Light: Val: I *have* been described as annoyingly likeable. AM Wynn: Wynn smiles. AM Wynn: So at the risk of being entirely too forward, awkward and blunt, I'd like to make things far less blurry. Of course.... I have exactly zero experience with this sort of thing, so I'm not sure how to do so. AM Wynn: All I ask is that you're honest with me. AM Light: Val: Well, I'm usually pretty honest. AM Wynn: So I'd like to see how this story ends. The murderous paladin and the assassin who hasn't killed anyone. Should be interesting. AM Light: Val: Don't skip to the end, there's the middle part first. AM Wynn: Wynn smiles. AM Wynn: .....I don't mind exclusivity-- I'd actually prefer it that way-- but I should mention Fred again. He'll need to eat until we find him a ring... and I'd prefer it if it was me. AM Light: Val: ... wouldn't it be better to take turns? AM | Edited 12:24:09 AM Wynn: The only people I'd be comfortable with doing it are Tarak and Allys. AM Wynn: Tarak's dead set against it. AM Light: Val: Why them, though? AM Light: Val: You know, there is one really good thing about succubi that I would assume is true of incubi too. AM Light: Val: They're not usually very violent. AM Wynn: Well, honestly? Tarak's the only one I'd really feel comfortable with. The Saint protected me. I'd assume he'd do the same for Tarak... and even if not, he's... Tarak. AM Wynn: Allys... she's a powerful priestess. I'm sure she could handle it... but I'd rather have her on standby to restore what Fred takes. AM Wynn: Wynn shrugs. "It probably won't even matter. Tarak's pretty adamant about it *not* being me." AM Light: Val: I don't think it should *always* be. I mean, I'm sure I could take a turn. AM Wynn: ...I can't let someone else risk their lives when I can protect them. AM Light: Val: Yeah, but you were mad at me when I did that. AM Wynn: And you told me you wouldn't be mad at me for it. It's my job. AM Light: Val: Well... to be fair, it's my job too. AM Wynn: How's that? AM Light: Val: I'm a diplomat. It's what we do. AM Wynn: Diplomats risk their lives? Guess I've had the wrong idea about them. AM Wynn: Wynn smirks a little. AM Light: Val: Sure. Usually everyone thinks we're spies or worse, and we tend to be the ones in vulnerable positions when wars break out. AM Wynn: Ok, but you're not here. AM Wynn: There's no reason for anyone else to risk it. AM Wynn: And my Oath has to come first and foremost in everything I do. AM Light: Val: That just makes it unofficial, that's all. And that makes sense. AM Wynn: I just wanted to let you know it is a possibility so you're not broadsided with it again. AM Wynn: ...and that it won't mean anything to me beyond saving his life. AM Light: Val: Sounds reasonable. AM Wynn: Wynn stands and lifts her shield. "I guess I'll let you get back to work." AM Light: Val: All right. ... you know... AM Light: Val: Do you like to read much? AM Wynn: Sometimes. Depends on the subject. AM Light: Val hops up and scans one of the shelves, before pulling out a book, checking its cover and handing it to Wynn. It looks short, probably only about a hundred pages. AM Wynn: Wynn takes it and looks at it. AM Light: It's written in common, and it is apparently "The Guide to Tarkishi Manners and Morals." The last word is hard to read, as there's a large bloodstain on it. AM Wynn: Wynn smiles slightly. AM Wynn: Can't hurt. AM Light: He winces. "... bad choice of words, but I pulled out the hidden knife in the spine earlier. I don't know what kind of poison was on it, but I didn't really want to find out, either." AM Wynn: .....I stand corrected. AM Light: Val: There's some singe marks on the last page, too. AM Light: Val: Somebody found the explosive runes spell before I did, I think. AM Wynn: Wynn sets her shield down to flip through the pages, but stops when he says that. AM Wynn: Sounds like an interesting read indeed. AM Wynn: It's good now, though? AM Light: Val: Yeah, I think so. AM Wynn: Wynn nods. "Thank you." AM Wynn: I do have one other request. AM Light: Val: Yeah? AM Wynn: It goes back to perceptions. When we're with the group, I can't have favorites. I don't expect special treatment, and I won't give it. AM Wynn: ...it's hard to explain what I'm asking... AM Light: Val: Because you're the leader. Right. I know. AM Wynn: .... I'm not the leader. Why does everyone keep saying that? AM Light: Val: Well, if you weren't, what you said wouldn't make any sense. AM Wynn: I'm *a* leader because I was trained to be. AM Wynn: That's what I'm saying, though... it's hard to explain. AM Wynn: I just don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable. Like Janis, for instance. AM Wynn: I'm not saying we need to be secretive or anything... just not overtly obvious. AM Light: Val: ... discretion, yeah? AM Wynn: Right. AM Light: Val: Discretion is my middle name. Or it would be if my parents had been accurate. AM Wynn: Wynn smiles. AM Wynn: Bob? AM Light: Val: It's not Bob. AM Wynn: No? Valerian Bob d'Amici. Has a ring to it. AM Light: Val laughs. AM Wynn: Well... I don't even *have* a middle name. I suppose you should know my given name is Sarah, though. AM Light: Val: I have loads of them. They're overrated--about all they do is make it take longer to fill out forms. AM Wynn: Well, I haven't read through this yet, so... AM Wynn: Wynn makes a show of flipping through the pages, then leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "You'll have to let me know if that was inappropriate." AM Light: Val grins. "... not inappropriate, no." AM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "Good."